Missing…
I’ve been feeling a little lonely lately. I’m not even sure it’s lonely…something’s just missing. I’m not depressed or anything, it just feels like something’s not right. I’ve even tried watching a lot of variety and reality and talk shows that usually crack me up so bad, but now everytime the MCs say something offensively funny, I’d be like, “Geez, why is that MC so mean? WTF”. So then, I started watching this anime called Kuroshitsuji [Black Butler]. It’s really popular. My friend got a Ciel plushie for Christmas, and we both squealed over it. But as I got more into Kuroshitsuji, I realized it’s good, but there’s still something missing. First of all, there really is no good guy in it. The “good guys” are supposedly Ciel and Sebastian, but what’s “good” about them? Ciel is always filled with hate, doesn’t smile, needs revenge. Sebastian doesn’t give a crap about other people and lives by the contract and is just all about Ciel’s soul. What’s so good about that? And the bad guys are even more twisted. When did angels become the bad people? And when did angels start thinking that killing is purifying? That’s just messed up. It was also really confusing at times. Overall, it wasn’t a favorite, it wasn’t as good as I had hoped it would be, but it wasn’t bad. To be honest, I was slightly [really] disappointed. Maybe it’s just because my hopes were too high.
Anyway, about that missing thing. I really have no idea what’s missing in my life. I just suddenly feel sad [not depressed] and it’s as if…something’s missing. I also discovered that one of my best friends is having a bday party that I wasn’t invited to. Stuff like this happens, I know, but she really is one of my really good friends. Maybe she just forgot to invite me or something. But it’s really bothering me. It’s okay though, if she really did intend to not invite me. I have been feeling that she’s been drifting away lately. We were best movie buddies. I’ll miss her.
Listening to 오늘 헤어졌어요 by Younha [Broke Up Today]. Really amazing song. She even cried from the lyrics when she had her comeback. What I really want to do right now is to just sing along. But my parents are home and there is no way I’m singing in front of them. My dad actually walked in on me singing once, but I managed to persuade him that it was the speakers. But then he was like, “Fine. Unpause the song and let me listen so I can make sure it was the speakers singing and not you.” But the song that was currently on pause was Wedding Dress by Taeyang and that was a problem because 1. It’s a guy’s voice. 2. I was singing a ballad. So I said, “Uhhhh. I just switched the song a second before you came in”. I don’t think he believed me. Sigh.
Something’s missing. I wish I knew what it was.
This was named after I finished writing the post. :]
Listening to 돌아온 순 없나요 by December for the IRIS OST. Amazing song. But now I’m listening to Bolero by DBSK, an even more amazing song. Love the violins. But I already wrote like, 2 entire posts on this so I’m not going to talk about it more. But seriously, love this song. Really awesome.
Damn, I think my mom’s home. Or maybe that’s just my aunt. Aw shit, I still have to do theory for my piano class tonight. Damn, I don’t wanna do it. I hate theory. Ugh. But if I don’t do it, I’ll get yelled at by my teacher again…UGH. FINE I’LL DO IT GOSH.
OMG TODAY’S NEWS
Dear Diary,
It’s the last week of school before winter break. Seriously, winter break’s starting really late this year, kinda depressing. Ew, I just bit into my nail and it tasted like the gross medicine I had when me and brother had pneumonia [that was a long long long time ago]. It was gross, I know we still have the little feeding tubey thingys we used to measure the medicine in. Ew.
Just ate dinner. We had some 콩나물 and 밥. And some chicken wings and this other green thing that I forgot what it was called. It was my friend’s birthday party yesterday at the mall. We went and ate Tatami and watched Old Dogs after that. It was a pretty funny movie and I laughed until I toppled over and got teary at some parts [but I wiped away the tears before my friends saw them], but I’ve got to say, it’s one of, if not the, worst movies I have ever seen in the theaters. I can totally see why it was ranked so low in the movie boxes of the week. Maybe it’s because one of my friends said that all the movies you see at the theater end up being really good, regardless if it really is a good movie or not. Maybe it’s just that commet that made me think that Old Dogs wasn’t that great, but when the movie started, I just felt unhooked. If they changed the beginning to something a little more interesting, maybe it’d be a little better.
Dude, today at school, our science was out, so we had a sub. He looked exactly like the red hair dude who got stuck with the gorilla and bombed the Japanese marketing friendship in Old Dogs. Exactly. They were SO alike. Like, seriously, it was freaky. I told my friend that and she was like, “OMG YOU’RE RIGHT” and we freaked out like, in the middle of class and he looked at us weird. I hope he’s there tomorrow.
….I’ll just name this after I finish writing. EDIT: Okay, I’ve decided to name this this. Mmkay.
Sigh. Got new kickass pro speakers on Black Friday. Listening to Stand By U by DBSK now, using the speakers. Oh, it just ended. Now it’s…O by them. You know, I think DBSK’s my favorite guy group after Super Junior. Their music is just really…I dunno, there’s something about it that’s just so…special? Cool? Addicting? Catchy? No, not catchy. Their music is just really…deep. Especially their ballads…oh god. I could be moved to tears. And their vocals are just so…beautiful. Seriously, it’s just so..mesmerizing. I’m really really impressed. They definitely deserve their fame.
MUSIC OMG
Yup. It’s 8:32 PM, a little early to be writing (usually), but whatever. I’ve got time today. Listening to 만만하니 by U-Kiss. It’s actually pretty catchy, I really like the chorus. I also like Kevin’s parts [hehe]. The only bad thing is that it’s too auto-tuned. If they cut back on the tuning a bit [a lot], it would’ve been better. Now listening to Hearbeat by 2PM. I really don’t like this song. Well, it’s not horrible, but it just doesn’t appeal to me that much. I like their Tired Of Waiting a lot better. But I’m listening to Heartbeat because I’m trying to like it. Trying very hard to like it. The chorus isn’t that bad, but I don’t like the overall beat of it and I think there’s too much rap [rap is really not my thing]. The MV and choreography is cool though, I have to admit. The song is still…eh. Oh, it’s over. Gotta go change the song.
Now listening to 아.미.고. by SHINee. Old(ish) song, but still awesome. I really like Taemin’s haircut in the MV. But then he went and got it mushroomed again. -.- I think he looks more manly with short hair. Well, not exactly manly, but at least less girly. I doubt he can totally look like a guy. Especially when he wears those turtle necks…*shudders*. Total girly-ness. Heck, he’s even more of a girl than I am.
Ah, it ended. Now it’s Oh Yeah by MBLAQ. I just started liking this song yesterday. I used to think it was really annoying, saying “OH YEAH” all the time. Especially when they’re all “Oh yeah, I’m feelin’ good” and the second time the voices are all high. Kinda disturbing. But I like it now. It’s pretty catchy. You know, most songs I start liking after hating them for a period of time. Unless they’re so good, they catch my attention right away.
Now listening to Bolero by DBSK. Really amazing song. This is one of the rare hear-it-once-and-fall-in-love songs. I watched the MV when I heard it the first time, and I just totally loved it. The music and the story in the MV was really amazing. I don’t know what was so touching, but I was just so touched. Practically mesmerized. I guess I just felt really sorry for that cleaning girl, and then really happy for her when she was accepted into the class. It just blended really well with DBSK’s voices. And the song itself was truly wonderful. My favorite part of it was after Jaejoong’s all “Fly Away Fly Away” and then Yoochun goes all high and then Jaejoong adds a medium tone and then Yoochun adds an even higher note and then the violins start playing…ahhh. Sounds awesome. I absolutely adore the violins in the songs. Completely great. Gosh, I’m gonna replay it. I love their sad yet hopeful(ish) ballad songs with wonderful background music and great vocals. Well, all their vocaly songs are good…which is all of them. But I don’t like their over-happy songs. Actually, I don’t like a lot of over-happy songs. Like Bad Girl by BEAST. Way too exagerating the awkward cheerfulness. I don’t mind happy songs, I actually really like happy songs. I just don’t like it when they try to be cool happy or when their happiness seem kinda fake. Well, it depends really.
Life. It Must Go On.
Dear Diary,
It’s getting really really cold here. I really hope it snows, but I know it’s not going to because it never snows here. We’re thinking of going down to Mexico for winter [on a cruise], but that was because my G-Ma was here. But now she’s back in China and there’s no reason for us to go anymore. Besides, it’d be a waste of money, and my parents are currently downstairs arguing about the money crisis we’re having [and the rest of the world], so we might just not go the Mexico. I kind of really want to go because I’ve never been on a cruise before [I know that sounds crazy, but it's true]. My friends all tell me they’re hella fun and cool and you get treated like a princess, so I’m really eager to go on one. But money and survival comes first, so I guess I’ll pass this year.
Happy Halloween! Well, it’s technically tomorrow, but we had our Halloween party and parade at school today. It was kind of surprising; most people wore costumes this year. Usually, only a handful of people actually try to dress up, but it’s the opposite this year. That’s a good thing for the Yearbook staff [which is me], we’ll have a lot of coverage this year. Well, more than last year at least. I took some kickass pictures today, I even ran out of space on my pro camera Canon Rebel XTi! The card could only take 500 pictures, and I took 440 today. I looked through all of them on iPhoto and deleted quite a few, so now it’s down to 153. But that’s not counting the ones from the other point-and-shoot camera I used after I ran out of space on my card. So there’s probably another 50 in that other camera that I haven’t uploaded onto my computer yet. Sigh. At least I know it’ll be impossible to not get a single caption next week. The editors shall be happy and my grade shall go up. Thank the Gods.
I am a Photoshop failure. You can send your troops on me after I explain what I did. I begged my dad for months and months for Photoshop and I got it. And I haven’t used it for at least a year now. Well, I have used it, just not full out investigating or even try to learn it. I’m a failure. And now we’ve got a money crisis. Please, why couldn’t I mature faster? I feel so guilty that I forced my dad to buy me the photoshop. Punish me, please, otherwise I would die of guilt. I feel so bad.
Family Outing is the best variety show after Star King. Infinity Challenge is okay, but it’s a bit boring. Strong Heart is too…Korean for my understanding, so naturally, it is a little boring. I really really Star Golden Bell, but now that MC guy went out [sorry, forgot his name] and Nicole doesn’t have her little slot anymore, it’s definitely not as good. I heard it’s suffering from low ratings because ex-MC dropped the show. Well, personally, I don’t think he wanted to. Geez, these entertainment companies just don’t know when to change something or when to just leave it alone or it’ll die. So now it’s Star King [but I don't know how it'll be because Boom just went to the army...FIGHTING, BOOM!!] and then Family Outing. They’re both hella funny and really brightens my mood. I love variety shows.
I’m tired. I have drawing class in the morning tomorrow with my two good friends, Ilene and Eve. They’re cousins. Oh yeah, and Eve’s little sister, Kelly, also goes to drawing class. I saw my long lost friend, Savi, last week. Seriously, I haven’t seen her in years. I’m glad that she’s still the same girl I used to like so much. She hasn’t been tampered and changed by society like I have…I feel so guilty facing her now. She still ties her hair in a messy ponytail and wears normal blue jackets from Target when I’m wearing my Forever 21 top with my Pacsun skinny jeans and my Aero jacket with my Converse. I think I should be feeling more superior, but instead, I just feel like I’ve failed. Gosh, I’ve failed so many times in my lifetime.
We’re watching this super cool movie in social studies called The Crossing starring Jeff Daniels as George Washington. It’s about the American Revolution when GW crosses the Delaware River and then goes back across to attack the Hessians. My teacher said that it is historically very incorrect and that the Hessians were nowhere near drunk from Christmas celebrations and that was all a rumor. He also said that this movie had a lot of wrong situations, and he said he thought a lot about whether or not he still wanted to show it or not, but he decided he did because it captured the emotions of that time very well and Jeff Daniels did a great job acting as GW. Personally, I seriously agree with that. Even though JD is now like, I dunno, 60? But he really kicked butt in that movie. We haven’t finished it yet, we stopped right at the part when the army marches to their new headquarters on the day they were going to attack the Hessians. GW is hot. Well okay, thinking a 50 year old guy is hot is kind of gross and disturbing, but I gotta say, JD as GW is swift and such a good cast, there would’ve been absolutely no other competition for this role. GO JD!!
I should stop typing so much. Good night, Diary.
asdfk.hi.
Listening to Nothing Better by DBSK (SM Town Summer 09) and trying to like it. These ballads aren’t usually my type of song…well, I like ballads, but not really the kind that DBSK sings. They sing ballads that are like…I dunno, quiet and…boring? I like sad songs that have a lot of feeling, strong lyrics, and powerful vocals. And of course, it’s gotta sound good too. But I have been into DBSK a lot lately. I’ve been watching the old Banjun dramas they filmed. The “Unforgettable Love” of Changmin’s was really really sad, I seriously cried at that one. But then it turned out it was all fake (not real-life fake, like drama script fake). All those tears for nothing.
Now listening to Stand by U. Great song. I didn’t really like it the first time I heard it while watching the MV. Well, I didn’t not like it, I just didn’t it was good enough for me to download it and stick it into my ipod and listen to it and try to like it. It was just…average. But now, it’s really wonderful. I really fell for it when I watched the MV for the second time. The part near the end when the rain outside stopped and it got all sunny…that was when I seriously fell for this song. And I love all the planning and format for the MV too…it was really cool and great. But I have to say, Super Junior’s It’s You’s MV is just slightly cooler. Love how they just walk past eachother. >.< The drama version, at least.
This song is so long. I finished typing a whole paragraph and there’s still like, a minute left. I was just catching up on my anime. Well, the one that I only watch now, which is Naruto Shippuuden. It was the first anime I actually took seriously and loved. The…I can’t describe. I just love it so much. The Shippuuden is kinda annoying though. I liked the original Naruto series better. It really taught me so much, and they were a lot more funny and pure and young, unlike the Shippuuden that only focuses on the stupid Sasuke. Gosh, he pisses me off so badly. And he’s not even good-looking (well, at some angles he may look appetizing, but whatever)! And he’s so messed up and he’s so absorbed in killing Itachi (who is such a cool and good guy, he’s my 4 fave character). Psh, he sucks. And he’s got a bad taste in girls. I have absolutely no problems with Sakura suiciding anytime soon. Plus, the Shippuuden series doesn’t even give my favorite characters some freaking airing time! I miss Gaara and Neji…well, they were in the beginning, but that was barely anything. Gaara was dead half of the time and Neji had only one freakin’ battle against himself. Stupid.
Listening to Wrong Number by DBSK. Oh yeah, I gotta go check out the MV. I watched it once like, half a year ago.
Sigh. ~~
Have I used the “sigh” title yet? I think I have…ah well, maybe not. I added two “~~”s just in case I did use the title before.
My road on learning Korean has improved surprisingly nicely. And very quickly too. I’m very happy and proud about that. And my spelling’s getting better too! I’ve learned that Koreans like to pronounce the words slightly different than how it’s written. For example: the word ‘what’. When they say it, it sounds like “Bo”, but it’s actually written like “Muoh” (뭐). Also, they mix their ‘D’s with ‘T’s, ‘M’s with ‘B’s, ‘R’s with ‘L’s (well, Japanese kinda does that too..ish), ‘G’s with ‘K’s, and etc. Actual Koreans might not notice and disagree, but speaking from a foreignor’s perspecive, you guys really do mix them a lot. Oh yeah, I’m not sure about this, but I guess you don’t really pronouce the “h” part. For example: Of course. You write it like this: 당연하지 (dang yeon ha ji). But when actually saying it, it’s more like “dang yeon ah ji”. I guess you just don’t emphasize the “h”…well, that’s what I’ve observed so far. Anyways, going back to spelling. I’ve learned to always spell the words a little different than what I’ve actually heard being said. And I’m usually right when I do this.
Ugh. Listening to LA cHA TA by f(x). No offense, but really…interesting name. Is it supposed to be math or something? But music’s good, I guess. I mean, it’s a good song in general, but personally, I wouldn’t have gone with this type of song as a debut. I’m not saying I don’t like it!! I’m just saying that it’s…I dunno, not powerful enough? But I’m not saying it’s bad to debut with quieter songs…I mean, look at 2AM. They debuted with a ballad, and they’re still big. But LA cHA TA isn’t a ballad and it’s not like, rock or electronic or something. It’s like…in between. What did they call it? Bubblegum Pop? Something like that. BUT it’s still good!!! Don’t kill me, fans. I have already seen the power of fans and antis over the past few weeks..
My house is remodeling. We’re going to get a new vanity for the big bathroom upstairs. I painted my room purple. The rest of the house is white. We still need to paint the downstairs walls, they’re so dirty. I am never going to move houses for the rest of my life. One is because we spent so much money on remodeling it, it’d be totally pointless to just abandon it. Also, I refuse to move away. Since there aren’t any better houses around, I would have to move schools if I move houses, which I am never going to do no matter what (unless it’s moving to Taiwan or something…then I would go without a second thought. Well, maybe without a third thought). Plus, I have way too many memories in this house. I grew up here…well, from 1st grade at least. It holds all those childhood memories that I kind of really don’t want to give up. I really don’t want to grow up…I remember always waiting to grow up when I was a kid and my mom would always tell me that when I really grow up, I’m gonna wanna be a kid again. Gee, she was right. Well, I don’t want to grow up not because I’ll get wrinkles and become weak or anything. I’m just sad that I’m growing up because there’s suddenly so much work and responsibility that I really don’t want to carry around with me. Being a kid was so much simpler and happier. My happiest times in my life was my 5th and 6th grade years. They were the last years when I didn’t care about my clothes and hair and appearance. They were the last years when I didn’t revolve around money and homework. They were the last years when I didn’t think about the future and worry about it 24/7. They were the last years that I didn’t have big dreams except for wanting to visit Japan one day. They were the last years when I liked somebody purely, without caring about their appearance, the way they dressed, but only cared about whether they were nice and whether they had a good and accepting personality. But starting 7th grade, it was over. All of it. I started straying away from my “dream” of going to Japan one day, but instead starting wanting to go to Taiwan and Korea more. I no longer just wore whatever was clean; I started learning the fashion and dressed accordingly. I no longer liked anybody without first going through the look of their clothes, hair, and face. I no longer just used whatever my mom bought me; I went to the mall and bought my own things. I no longer was bubbly like before; I focused more on my grades (I know that’s a good thing, but it’s not as a kid). I no longer hesitated to think about what to become later on in my life. However, even though I’ve already narrowed down most of the occupations I would like to do, there are still many to choose from.
I’m doomed. I’m old now. And I absolutely hate it.
The world is messed up. Jaebeom’s leaving, Hyun Joong has the swine flu..FTW. -.-
I…do not know what to say. It’s been like, 3 months since I lasted posted anything [cause I went somewhere exotic]. I went to that exotic place and lived the life of a fat princess: getting up at 12 pm, watch tv, go on computer, watch more tv, go shopping, watch more tv, sleep at twelve. Oh right, I forgot to include eating too. But surprising, I came back, and I lost weight. One happy thing down.
Now, about the not so happy things. Well, for those of you K-Pop lovers or 2PM lovers…but I guess if you were either, you’d already be screaming and ripping your hair out…or rather, the hairs of those DANG ANTIS. OKAY, I REALLY WANTED TO WRITE THIS POST IN PEACE, BUT I’M GETTING SERIOUSLY PISSED JUST THINKING ABOUT THIS….calming down. Okay. Well, 2PM’s WONDERFUL leader, Jaebeom, is leaving the group, leaving Korea, and leaving his fans. All because of what? Pressure. You can see and experience the power of fans each and every day, but it’s not everyday you can/want to see and experience the power of antis. All this happened because of one little itty bitty Myspace comment. Jaebeom wrote a comment to one of his friends from America some…4 years ago? It said that he though Korea was gay and he hated it there. And what now? Some idiot dug up this comment and got everyone pissed at Jaebeom, and then the antis struck. They made “omg u suck go die” petitions, and around 3-4,000 dumbasses signed it. But the fans didn’t allow this; they made a “omg jaebeom u rock we love you ignore the shit antis and hold your head high” petition, and around 10,000 people signed it. But Jaebeom gave in to the pressure and all the hatred, and left Korea first thing yesterday. Now, THIS is a different story. Even though Jaebeom was getting attacked by retards and idiots, he could’ve just held his head way up high after apologizing a million times, and continue to be his swifty 2PM leader. But he didn’t. Which is why I am so mad at the antis…and Jaebeom himself. Instead of standing tall and fighting against the scandal, he gave up, threw up the white flag, and hid himself into a corner of the world, Seattle, Washington…which is around a half an hour away from where I live…assuming I take the plane and not go by car. I’m really disappointed in Jaebeom, I really think his decision was stupid and extremely unthoughtful. He might’ve had his other reasons of course, and I heard he was going to study music there…well, here, as well. It’s at least nice to see that his passion for music hasn’t lowered even though he is now Jay Park, and not Jaebeom. But one day, I’m sure, Jay’ll get his tiny little butt back to Korea, and once again, make it big, even if it’s not with his 2PM brothers.
Now, on to Hyun Joong. I love him. A total #1 fan. Okay, maybe not that big, so I guess #2 fan. But still, I love him. And now what? Is the world mutated? What is wrong with the world? Is God punishing us or something? First, Jaebeom is now Jay Park, and now Hyun Joong is diagnosed with the swine flu? Life is ridiculous. I don’t think I have the strength to be happy anymore. Dinner time. Life may be stupid and filled with idiots, but food is still needed. I’m sorry, but I’m not on the verge to be emo yet.
In China~
Sup. For once, I’m not listening to anything. Mostly because I can’t and I’m not using my own computer anyway. I’m using my uncle’s super annoying computer with a super annoying and loud keyboard in China. You know what’s a bit scary right now? It’s not that hot. And the air conditioning isn’t even on (only the fan)! Isn’t that scary? It’s usually baking here. I was living in front of the air conditioner in the living room for the past few days here, but it’s not even on today…that is some serious news. Anyway. I went to a market two days ago and bought a Fahrenheit CD!! It’s their third album. Though I already have all of their songs in my iPod, it’s a change to have their CD. I also bought a Rainie Yang CD. But I still need Super Junior-M’s CD. And a DBSK, if they have it, which I’m sure they do because it’s a bit disturbing when you see how much the people here love DBSK and Suju. Hmf, gotta go. Watermelons.
